Foxy

Foxy

While I am shivering in the cold at Toomler waiting for the doors to open, another early bird enters the scene.
I tell her a friendly hello but my smile freezes firmly on my face when my eye sets upon her handbag. This because it’s a bit impolite to friendly greet a stranger to then gawk at her with a horrified glare. It confuses people. Besides, I have a good 10 minutes of waiting with her yet to come. I nod, to give my smile some oomph. The bag is no ordinary bag; it’s a fox.

My face is in an extreme conflict.
My smile suggests: “Aw. How very lovely!”
My eyes scream: “Is that my most favorite animal!!!!? Shot!? Skinned, head to toe to be artistically folded in double to create…. a handbag!!!??”

She sits down next to me. The fox doesn’t have those stuffed-fox eyes, but those small beady eyes like on a teddy bear. This gives me a spark of hope. Maybe it’s like those scary fake cats you sometimes come across at a market. I am silent for a bit longer, but cannot resist my curiosity.

“So…”
I clear my throat a little bit, to be able to toss it in there as nonchalant and polite as possible.
“Is that a-uhm- a real fox?”
-”Yes.”
“Awn!” It comes flying out of my mouth before I know it. I make an exaggerated pout, to mellow it down a little, but it’s already too late.

-”Oh no! You are not one of those, are you?”
“Oh neu-neu-neu-no. HA HA HA!”
-”That’s a relief!”

Somewhere deep inside the true Claartje starts bawling in a very pitiful manner. Violins ascent.

“I’ve left my spray can at home today. HA HA HA.”
-”They shoot them anyway when there are too many of them, you know.”

I take another look at the fox..

“I uhm -It’s -It is just my absolute favorite animal. That’s all.”

I stare at my shoes, a bit embarrassed. I don’t believe it’s still socially acceptable to utter the phrase ‘is my absolute favorite animal’ when you are 27 years old. ‘Used to be my absolute favorite animal. Back when I was 7.’ That’s fine. But ‘is my absolute favorite animal’ in present tense? Unacceptable! Still, dear people, THE FOX! IS!!!! MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ANIMAL!! There. That’s refreshing.

-”My daughter thinks it’s so cute!”
“Oh, does she?”
-”Oh well. I simply love fur.”

We wait in silence till the register opens. I glance at her fur collar and her fur boots every once in a while. She’s PETA’s nightmare.
Oh well. She simply loves fur.
And I’m apparently too polite to be an extreme animal rights activist. Pity. It was such an opportunity!
Sorry, Foxy.

IEPIEPIEPIEPIEP!

At 6 o clock in the morning, I was still sleeping wonderfully until suddenly a big bang woke me up. I decided that the checking-out-what-it-was part could be delayed for an hour, and wanted to turn around and go back to sleep, when the beeping started.

IEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIE!!!
The smoke alarm had come sailing down the ceiling.
IEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIE-
“I know! I know!”
IEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIE-
“Where is the off button!WHEEEREEE IS THE OFF BUTTON!”
In a wild panic I pressed the only button I could discover on the thing.
IEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIE-
It didn’t work.
IEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIE–
“Stop it!”
Shaking didn’t help either.
IEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIE-
Ah. Twist to open.
IEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIE-
“Raaaaaaah!”
I yanked the lid thing off the battery.
IEPIE.
Pfffft. Silence. Lovely silence. I tossed the thing on the countertop.
IEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIEPIE!!
The battery was touching the lid thing again, that villain!
One final seperation later, I went back to bed. That’s when I started to ponder fondly on carbon-monoxide poisoning. Ahhhh.

WOOHOO 2010!

The start of 2010 asks for resolutions. On January first, right away, I made one come true that was on my list for my entire life already and I couldn’t even dream of it to have that actually happen.I had stopped counting on it already, because it was a tricky one:

Accidentally being left behind in the zoo after closing time.

Tricky for two reasons:

1) I had alert parents as a kid, who didn’t allow this to happen to me.
2) Now I’ve stopped being a kid, there is no easy case of “accidental” here.

It happened after all! On January first, Stephen and I decided to do the most fun thing I can imagine to do on a free New Years day: Off to the zoo!!!! It was freezing cold and Januari first, so it wasn’t so busy at Blijdorp Zoo.

We gasped at jellyfish for hours and at bats and lions and whatever else skips around there. We were convinced! In the future, once we’ve realized our cunning plans of world domination, these aquarium walls and the over-your-head-sea- aquarium tunnel were to be a must-have in our villain cave.

After wandering around for a couple of hours, it started to get pretty dark, but that happens quite easily in January.

We came across a dark small building that had the door open and we couldn’t resist our curiousity. It was pinch dark and there was another animal in one of the cages. We could hear a sort of scraping sound and we inched closer very carefully. When our eyes got used to the dark a bit, we could just about make out a tail-like- shadow. Was that? Could that be a? A scary growl came from out of nowhere and we ran out like screaming school girls. Yes. That was indeed a lioness.

Adrenaline still screaming through our bodies, we decided to relax a bit in the butterfly garden (the butterflies were no longer active, but those signals passed us by) and after that we went to the bird house, which had another surprise for us. There were also birds *outside* of the cages. This became clear after one flew right over Stephens head. Carefully we went deeper into the bird house. Birds can be quite scary, sometimes. And the entire park seemed abandoned! The tucans were so beautiful that it didn’t cross our mind for too long.

Suddenly there was a voice:

“Hi! I know you’re having a fun time here, but the park is closed for half an hour already.”

We mumbled something about that it wasn’t announced that it was closing time, and forgotten about the time and more things like it. I had to try really hard not to grin extremely wide. My secret wish had come true!

The zookeeper wasn’t even angry! He guided us out, all the gates were locked already! Teeheeeee!

Youtube find of the week

Richard Gale makes hilarious short films. This one for example… absolutely hilarious!! Watch! Laugh! Wahahahahah. My kind of humor, this.